I Am Grateful

  

This past few months I've made an even greater attempt to be grateful for the gifts in my life.  I began writing in a gratitude journal each day listing what I'm grateful for and why.  I find that it makes me appreciate even more the gifts I have because I am always looking for what else I can be thankful for.  People, events, situations, thoughts, items, etc.  I was feeling strong and confident- grateful for the growth I've seen through trials I've encountered.  In honor of that growth, I decided this would be the year I finally decorated for Valentines Day again.  Hearts have always been hard for me around this time, as it was Luke's heart that took us all by surprise and stopped unexpectedly, lifting him to heaven.  This year I was going to be tough.  I bought yellow daisies.  I bought and made a bunch of heart decorations. 

I decided to throw a healing heart party and invite a few people who have helped me in my healing this past couple of years.  

(God blesses me with people everywhere life takes us, and this station has been no different.)  I was ready to move forward a little bit more.  Nervous, but excited too.  I thought the stretch of faith would be in moving past my heart-avoidance.  

And then I realized God had more for me to learn...another test for me to choose if I was going to continue to trust Him completely.

Life was the same as usual.  I went shopping for groceries, dropped them off at home, and then went to pick Katie up from preschool not far from my house.  When I returned less than 25 minutes later, I realized my front door had been kicked in.  I was terrified.  Someone had been in my home and had taken some of our things without a second thought.  My powerful, strong feeling was quickly turning to fear, inadequacy, sadness, and regret.  Certainly I could have done more to secure my house before running out- the deadbolt clearly did little to stop the 'bad guys.'

But there's a silver lining to this storm cloud.  As soon as the cops came out and told me they were gone, I was grateful.  

I had been gone when the bad guys came.  My kids were all safe. My hubby was in town and not on the business trip that had thankfully been cancelled a few days earlier. Our dog was even with us. Things are things.  Don't get me wrong- it's not been easy as we've realized some of the things that are gone- things that I know would never mean nearly as much to them as they mean to me (ex:  pictures of my family and friends from the past 6 months, a little clay pot Logan made me last year for Mother's Day, etc.), but I try to keep reminding myself to be grateful.  And you know what?  Every time I have a grateful heart, I feel happy.  I feel hope.

Life is not easy.  Trials are going to come.  I've learned a lot in the past seven years as those little bits of healing have come into my life, and I'm sure there's much more to learn.  And I'm feeling pretty good about the fact that as scary as things were (are) after the break-in, I'm trying hard to let it be a learning experience- to let it make me stronger.  I've been through worse, that's for sure.  According to a quote I recently saw, we have three choices when trials come:  let them destroy us, let them define us, or let them strengthen us.

When Luke died, I made a conscious decision to not let it destroy me, my marriage, or my faith in God.  In deciding those things, I have been strengthened immensely.  I know God guides our lives.  I know He is aware of everything we face, and I know He will strengthen us as we allow Him to.  As we turn our pain, our sickness, our fears to Him, we will find peace.  I know because I've found that in my life...and I'm grateful.

Families are Forever.  Love your babies, love your honey,

and love God.

For those of you who want to know how our celebration went this year:

Tyler is always the funny man- last year his balloon said, 'welcome back'...this year it said "I'm so sorry you left, Luke."  He really wanted to send up the dog balloon, so he had to make it work.  A little humor to brighten our day is always welcome!

The kids and I cancelled all responsibilities and spent the day having an ultimate lego battle and eating dessert for breakfast.  We even memorized a scripture! (Alma 7:11)  :-) We played games, met James for a late lunch at Chick-Fil-A, went on a family bike ride (Katie rode her two-wheeler the whole way!!), wrote messages on our balloons, sent them up to Luke, and now we're watching Bolt.  

Here's Katie with a star balloon.  She had James add a message in the corner so it said "Happy Birthday Luke, but it's not really your birthday."  Just in case he got confused.  :-) 

 Logan wanted a military balloon, so this one was the winner. 

 This Families Are Forever Day has been nice.  And safe.  

And I'm grateful.  :-)

Just a special plug to the many, many people who have taken the time to let us know you were thinking of us, who were there to give support through the last couple of weeks, and who celebrate Families are Forever day with us, regardless of the miles that separate us.  We are truly blessed.  Thank you!