Don't You Quit

As I walked home from taking the kids to the bus stop yesterday, I was so overwhelmed with grief.  It was cold and kind of drizzly, but I found myself taking in everything.  The cold wasn't bothering me, and neither was the weather.  I noticed the people, the cars, the glow around the lights.  I saw the footsteps left by others, the rocks that had been kicked onto the path, the beauty of the plants brave enough to grow through the winter.  When I was about half-way home, I realized just how slowly I was walking.  I wanted to be home, but I really didn't care to try any harder to move my feet more quickly.  I was sad, a bit reflective, and moving wasn't a huge priority.  I lifted my heart to Heaven for comfort and had this thought pop in my head: you're one step closer than you were before.  Even as I walk ridiculously slow, I'm still walking.  And because I'm still headed in the right direction, I will eventually get home.  My heart felt lighter. I still moved slowly, but deliberately this time.  I said hello to the man setting up his corner veggie stand, and this time he returned my greeting.  That's only happened a few times in the year and a half I've been here regardless of the number of times I've said hello, and I realized the gift it was.  I wasn't alone.  None of us are alone.  We just need to take a minute to appreciate our journey and we'll see just how blessed we are.

Fast forward to today.  I went to German class this morning, though I was feeling a bit tender.  We had a test and I didn't want to get behind.  As class continued on, I felt this wave of sadness growing slowly but steadily.  I wanted to go home.  I wanted to fall apart, but I kept thinking...you can do it.  Hold on.  And I did.  One foot in front of the other, I held myself together and finished class.  I left quickly, nearly flying down the stairs and out the door into the cold.  On this walk home, my feet were not moving slow.  It was all I could do to not break into a sprint. I remember very little of what or who I saw on my walk.  I was so focused on my goal to get in my front door that nothing could distract me.  Nothing else mattered.  As I approached my house, the tears came.  I made it safely inside, fell to my knees and cried.  I knew the tears would pass, knew my eternal perspective would return, and it did.  But for those few minutes I needed to be sad.  I needed to hurt.  I needed to pray.  And afterwards, I felt at peace.

Two very different walks, both headed to the same place.  One I was focused on the world around me, the other I was focused on my goal and nothing else.  There are a couple of constants I see in these two journeys home.  One is the goal:  Home.  The second is the result:  both brought peace, appreciation, and joy. 

I love my earthly home- I love the people in it.  I love the safety I find here, the love, the joy.  But I know that as much as I love my home, Earth isn't our eternal home. We are only here temporarily, and then we get to go to our real home...our Heavenly home.   I love this earthly journey, and I want to appreciate all of it.  We are told we can't fully appreciate the sweet without the bitter, can't fully appreciate the happy without the sad.   We need both to create balance.  We need moments of complete focus and action, and we need moments of wonder and appreciation.  We need moments where we look outside ourselves to lift those we cross paths with, and we need quiet moments on our own to gain clarity and commune with God.

We are all on our own journeys- sometimes we're walking, sometimes we're running, and sometimes we're somewhere in between, but in every situation, every walk, there's a lesson to be learned.  As I was taught recently, "as long as I keep the most important thing the most important thing, I'm doing ok."  As I seek for balance, set my sights on Home, and choose actions that lead toward that goal, I can find peace, appreciation, and joy.  And maybe I'll even get the chance to lift someone else on my way.  I hope so.  Families are Forever.  No regrets come from making sure your loved ones know you care, so go hug your babies, love your Honey, and thank your Father in Heaven.  You won't regret it.  :-)