Prepared for Everything

I am the kind of person who likes to know what's going to happen as early as possible.  I like to have someone spell out for me what I should expect.  By doing this, I can become aware of anything that may be scary or difficult for me, and figure out how I'm going to face those things before I actually have to face them.  I can rationally prepare for what's to come by deciding on the best course of action, learning whatever I may need to learn, planning what needs to be planned, doing what needs to be done...BEFORE I actually have to do it.  So much stress is alleviated when I can plan and work ahead, and the success rate is usually worth the extra effort.
I have a harder time handling things that pop up.  I find myself constantly thinking, "if I'd have known beforehand, I would have (fill in the blank specific to the situation) and things would have been so much easier!"  But life is not that way.  I honestly can't come up with EVERY possibility, and certainly not EVERY solution to what may happen in my life.  Looking back over the last 11 years, I feel I've actually found the most joy and peace as I've lived according to these six ideas.  If you're interested, here's the "planner" in me at work.
Six ways to prepare now for anything that may come into your life:
1.  Create positive habits: For me these include Praying often.  Reading scriptures daily.  Being grateful in my journal and out loud.  When I struggled the most right after Luke died, how grateful I was for these habits already solid in my life.  I didn't feel much like praying when my prayer for Luke to live wasn't answered with his restored health.  But I prayed anyway.  I didn't feel like reading scriptures at that time either...but I did it anyway.  And I certainly didn't feel like being grateful- what was there to be grateful for?!  In all honesty?  There was plenty.  I found something every single day.  Even if that something was 'I'm grateful this kleenex is soft and not scratching my eyes and nose when I wipe them from constantly crying."  Reading God's word kept me close to Him.  Praying to Him daily kept an open line of communication and helped me vocalize all that was inside of me.  I'm not sure when desire came back to pray, read scriptures, or be grateful, but I know that they did.  And I believe that if something happens in life to challenge my desire to do these things again, I will continue moving forward if I can stay true to these habits.
2.  Control what you can and accept what you can't.  The past can't be changed.  The future can.  There is hope and joy in remembering the past and planning for the future.  There is only sadness in wishing and planning how you 'could have' or 'should have' handled the past.
3.    Decide your absolutes.  For me there were two:  Don't hate God.  Solidify our marriage.  Many marriages struggle after the death of a child.  James and I both made a conscious choice that we would trust in God's plan for us and that we would not let this enormous trial break us.  When differences in mourning showed up, we supported one another.  We admitted our differences to one another in how we needed to handle things, and we let each other do it our own way.  At times that meant sacrificing our own needs for those of the other- which only made us stronger.  I look back now and I am so incredibly grateful we chose then and continue now to stand by those absolutes.
4.  Share your plan to be happy with your loved one.  I mentioned this in last year's post- in a nutshell, we told Luke we'd look for him when we smiled and laughed, and what a difference it made as we slowly began to do that again.
5.  Focus on Eternity.  When you remember that there is a God in Heaven who sent His Son to die for our sins so we can be forgiven and return to live with Him again, you don't get so caught up on the little things.  The dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher are not of lasting consequence.  The way you treat your family members IS of lasting consequence. You "treat differently those things that you want to last."  If it won't matter in 5 years, or 20 years, should it really matter so much now?  It's amazing how often something difficult will pop up and my first thought will be, "I've been through worse.  I can do this."  Remember what matters the most- keep an eternal perspective.
6.  "Be Believing. Be Happy.  Don't get Discouraged.  Things will work out." (Gordon B. Hinckley)  It's true.  If you have faith, choose to be happy, and keep an eternal perspective, life truly seems to work out.  I believe without a doubt that everything will make complete sense when we get to Heaven and look back at all that happened in our lives.  We don't have to have all the answers now.  Not having the answers allows us to develop faith.  It allows us to develop hope.  It allows us to lean on our Father in Heaven in ways we never imagined we would, and allows us to find His hand in our lives in ways we never imagined we could.  I firmly believe that if it hasn't worked out yet, then it's not the end.  :-)

I read a quote that said, "time doesn't heal all wounds.  It's what you do with the time that heals you."  I am so grateful for the time I've put into learning and living each of these ideas.  They have become a part of my life and I can see glimpses of healing because of them.  Here's to another year closer to seeing my sweet Luke again...as we celebrate Families are Forever day, may you hug your babies a little tighter, love your honeys even more unconditionally, and trust in God with everything you've got.  He's got this...and as you place your hand in His, so do you.  You truly can be prepared for everything.