Families are Forever!

February 8 is our Families Are Forever Day.  Our oldest son (by 9 minutes- he's a twin) passed away Feb 8, 2006.  We decided to embrace the day each year and celebrate that our family will one day be together again.  What's amazing is that each and every year an extra little miracle (or two, or three) shows up reconfirming that our Father in Heaven is indeed guiding my life, and that it's going the way He wants it to.  This year was a treasure!  I was able to download a number of old videos that I haven't seen in years, due to a broken camera.  A dear friend offered to loan me hers, and the quest began.  I watched my babies grow up- babies, one year old, two, and then I got a tad nervous, but also excited.  Luke died a few months before he turned 3.  When I watched the videos of Christmas just before I began to wonder what the last video I had of Luke would be.  Would it stop after Christmas?  Would there be a little something extra?  Would there be some adorable clip I had forgotten about that summed up his life?  I didn't know, but I really hoped for it to be something that would perfectly sum up his life- or something to remind me that he was ok.  What a treat when this is what I found. I'll write more about it AFTER our special day, because we're on our way to celebrate, but for now, enjoy the video!   (It's clipped by me so it would fit into blogger, but you can get the gist.)     Hug your babies!!!

**Ok, I just watched to make sure it worked, and there's no sound!  AAH!  I'll work on it this evening, but for now, here's the scoop:  Luke is showing off his belt and tie, he says, 'cheese!', and then as he runs away, he says, 'Bye!'  Can you believe that his last video is of him saying goodbye as he takes off while dressed for church?!  *happy tears*

I Am Grateful

  

This past few months I've made an even greater attempt to be grateful for the gifts in my life.  I began writing in a gratitude journal each day listing what I'm grateful for and why.  I find that it makes me appreciate even more the gifts I have because I am always looking for what else I can be thankful for.  People, events, situations, thoughts, items, etc.  I was feeling strong and confident- grateful for the growth I've seen through trials I've encountered.  In honor of that growth, I decided this would be the year I finally decorated for Valentines Day again.  Hearts have always been hard for me around this time, as it was Luke's heart that took us all by surprise and stopped unexpectedly, lifting him to heaven.  This year I was going to be tough.  I bought yellow daisies.  I bought and made a bunch of heart decorations. 

I decided to throw a healing heart party and invite a few people who have helped me in my healing this past couple of years.  

(God blesses me with people everywhere life takes us, and this station has been no different.)  I was ready to move forward a little bit more.  Nervous, but excited too.  I thought the stretch of faith would be in moving past my heart-avoidance.  

And then I realized God had more for me to learn...another test for me to choose if I was going to continue to trust Him completely.

Life was the same as usual.  I went shopping for groceries, dropped them off at home, and then went to pick Katie up from preschool not far from my house.  When I returned less than 25 minutes later, I realized my front door had been kicked in.  I was terrified.  Someone had been in my home and had taken some of our things without a second thought.  My powerful, strong feeling was quickly turning to fear, inadequacy, sadness, and regret.  Certainly I could have done more to secure my house before running out- the deadbolt clearly did little to stop the 'bad guys.'

But there's a silver lining to this storm cloud.  As soon as the cops came out and told me they were gone, I was grateful.  

I had been gone when the bad guys came.  My kids were all safe. My hubby was in town and not on the business trip that had thankfully been cancelled a few days earlier. Our dog was even with us. Things are things.  Don't get me wrong- it's not been easy as we've realized some of the things that are gone- things that I know would never mean nearly as much to them as they mean to me (ex:  pictures of my family and friends from the past 6 months, a little clay pot Logan made me last year for Mother's Day, etc.), but I try to keep reminding myself to be grateful.  And you know what?  Every time I have a grateful heart, I feel happy.  I feel hope.

Life is not easy.  Trials are going to come.  I've learned a lot in the past seven years as those little bits of healing have come into my life, and I'm sure there's much more to learn.  And I'm feeling pretty good about the fact that as scary as things were (are) after the break-in, I'm trying hard to let it be a learning experience- to let it make me stronger.  I've been through worse, that's for sure.  According to a quote I recently saw, we have three choices when trials come:  let them destroy us, let them define us, or let them strengthen us.

When Luke died, I made a conscious decision to not let it destroy me, my marriage, or my faith in God.  In deciding those things, I have been strengthened immensely.  I know God guides our lives.  I know He is aware of everything we face, and I know He will strengthen us as we allow Him to.  As we turn our pain, our sickness, our fears to Him, we will find peace.  I know because I've found that in my life...and I'm grateful.

Families are Forever.  Love your babies, love your honey,

and love God.

For those of you who want to know how our celebration went this year:

Tyler is always the funny man- last year his balloon said, 'welcome back'...this year it said "I'm so sorry you left, Luke."  He really wanted to send up the dog balloon, so he had to make it work.  A little humor to brighten our day is always welcome!

The kids and I cancelled all responsibilities and spent the day having an ultimate lego battle and eating dessert for breakfast.  We even memorized a scripture! (Alma 7:11)  :-) We played games, met James for a late lunch at Chick-Fil-A, went on a family bike ride (Katie rode her two-wheeler the whole way!!), wrote messages on our balloons, sent them up to Luke, and now we're watching Bolt.  

Here's Katie with a star balloon.  She had James add a message in the corner so it said "Happy Birthday Luke, but it's not really your birthday."  Just in case he got confused.  :-) 

 Logan wanted a military balloon, so this one was the winner. 

 This Families Are Forever Day has been nice.  And safe.  

And I'm grateful.  :-)

Just a special plug to the many, many people who have taken the time to let us know you were thinking of us, who were there to give support through the last couple of weeks, and who celebrate Families are Forever day with us, regardless of the miles that separate us.  We are truly blessed.  Thank you!

Faith of a Child

Today is Families are Forever Day- the day we remember Luke (Logan's twin brother and my oldest son by 9 minutes) and celebrate that our family will be together again one day...oh how grateful I am for that! Luke passed away six years ago today a few months before he was to turn 3 of Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome- (www.sads.org), caused by Prolonged QT Syndrome.

I woke this morning happy. I feel peace, I feel gratitude, I feel overwhelming love from others and for others. Each year on February 8 has been different- some years I've been very sad, others I've felt indifferent, most have had moments of extreme sadness to extreme joy.

This year was just happy.

I love seeing little steps of healing take place...like when something that would have caused pain in the past happens and I realize it no longer invoked those same feelings. This year I found joy. I cried a few days ago, missing my little man Luke...but today, I just felt joy.

I felt peace. I felt like it was ok to be happy today and truly celebrate that I will see him again and he is happy and near us often.

It's so freeing to trust in my Father in Heaven completely. To know that He is guiding all things and trusting in Him isn't blind faith...it's child-like faith.

In the Bible, we are told to have the faith of a child and today as I spent the entire day with my family- many one-on-one moments with each of my kids as well as time together,

I had the chance to see their childlike faith: their joy as we talked about their brother- their ecstatic jumping as they counted down to let go of Luke's balloons so he could catch them- their joyful expressions as they watched the balloons float away...

It was perfect. It was peaceful.

It was childlike faith at it's best. And today, as I tasted that childlike faith, I felt full of love and well-taken care of.

Life is just easier when you trust that there's a plan for you-

that you have a Father in Heaven who wants only the best for you, that you have a Savior who has already agreed to take upon Himself ALL your pain- ALL your sickness- ALL your sin...if you just let go and let Him.

I love my Savior, I love that there's a plan for us- that we can choose to live after the pattern Jesus Christ did and through His grace return and live with Him again.

Today, I feel joy. Thank you for the many kind words, prayers, and thoughts- know that your love has been felt. Hug your babies!!

xoxoCari

(Fun things to note: Tyler picked that balloon out on his own...perhaps he knows something we don't? Katie was a bit concerned Luke wouldn't like the 'Tangled' balloon she had picked until we explained that he would know immediately it was from her. Logan chose the soccer balloon but it escaped before we could snag a pic of him holding it. I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, so opted out of the pics...however the 'chipmunk cheeks' are really non-existant. What was funny was that the boys assumed I meant I'd be small and furry for a few days when I told them I'd look like a chipmunk after surgery...not that my cheeks would be puffy. They were very relieved to see I still looked like mom. ha ha)

Happy Families are Forever Day!!

Feeling a Bit like a Butterfly

"Life's not about waiting for the storms to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain." -BJ Gallagher

Every now and then we are blessed to meet certain people- be it our teachers, our neighbors, our families, and especially our children... and this week I find I'm even more grateful for the loving presence of so many people in my life. The above quote was one of the many acts of kindness I've been recipient of this week. It was sent to me on a morning that I woke to the sound of a beautiful bird singing...regardless of the tap-tap-tapping of the rain. Evidently the bird had a song to sing, and the rain was NOT going to stand in the way. I was the lucky one who got to listen.This is my darling Luke- my first born (by 9 minutes) son- Logan's twin brother. Five years ago today Lukey returned to be with our Father in Heaven. He was almost three...exactly the age Katie is right now. It's amazing how quickly life goes...and how some things just never change. We focus on what we know on this anniversary each year...hence our title 'Families Are Forever' day. I've written in the past about how special it is to know we need only 'to wait' (as in the date...2/8) to see Luke again...and what peace comes from knowing he's not gone forever. This year my focus seems to be on enjoying life as it is at this moment- dancing in the rain, if you will, and being who you're meant to be.
Things are going to be hard sometimes, and they are also going to be really great sometimes. Worrying about the 'ick' just makes things, well, ickier. :-) Missing Luke is still tough- even after this many years...but I find happiness in knowing He's safe in the arms of our Savior, being cared for until I can hold him again in mine.(Logan's in red, Luke's in white) When we moved to North Carolina and walked our new property, a yellow butterfly fluttered it's way through the trees right in front of me. Yellow was the one color Luke consistently recognized, so yellow has always reminded me of him. I know that little butterfly was there to remind me that Luke was always with us- whether in Arizona, Ohio, or North Carolina. How sweet it was to find this quote in my inbox this morning:

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." -Richard Bach

Sometimes I feel like the caterpillar...just wishing to curl up in my cocoon...but other times I want to be the butterfly and flutter far and wide sharing what I know that has made my life so much easier- especially in times where I've struggled with trials, pain, or sadness. I'm feeling a bit like the butterfly today, so I hope you won't mind if I share.

(Logan following behind Luke)

I know my Savior is Jesus Christ. I know He lives. I know He died that we may rid ourselves of our sins, pain, and difficulties. I've felt the peace that comes when I've prayed for Him to comfort me. I've felt the pain lessen when I've allowed Him to take it. I know families can be together forever and if we work hard to live according to the plan of our Heavenly Father, following the commandments, being baptized, and being sealed for eternity in the holy temple, we can and will be with all those we've lost to death. I know that death is not the end, but rather is just another step in a greater plan. I know the Book of Mormon is truly another testament of Jesus Christ- I know it to be the word of God, and I've seen firsthand the difference in my life as I study it alongside the Bible and try to follow the teachings they provide. I know the priesthood that existed in the time of Christ is on the earth today. I know that the Lord has called a prophet to guide us and direct us as this world grows further and further from the teachings found in the scriptures. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has the fullness of the gospel and it answers the questions, 'why am I here' 'what is life for' and 'what happens after we die.' I know that God will tell each of us for ourselves the truth of all things if we pray for those answers, believing we'll receive.

I offer this testimony not to offend in anyway, but to share with you what has guided me through tough times. This is just a tip of the iceberg, but I can assure you that accepting the will of God that Luke be taken from our family for now was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I do accept it, though. I truly believe we should follow the Savior's example as He prayed the words, 'Thy will be done.' I don't know exactly why it was His will to take Luke, but I know that as I've trusted that it truly was His will, there have been many, many blessings in my life- all of which I attribute to our Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ.

Our Father in Heaven wants us to be happy...and today, as I act more like a butterfly than a caterpillar, I feel exactly that: happy.

Hug your loved ones today...and especially love those babies. They have lots to teach us, and it really only takes a moment to make a memory that will last forever.

In His name, Jesus Christ, amen.

Families are Forever Day

This picture reminds me that life is good. :-) And it is. Surely everyone has rough times- trials, heartbreak, loss, etc., but life is also full of great things as well. I believe that you'll find what your looking for, and life is certainly easier when I'm looking for the good!

Thank you thank you for the MANY well-wishes, emails, flowers, messages, calls, etc. to wish us a 'Happy Families are Forever day.' We so appreciate it! (Please understand that I rarely answer the phone on that day, but I so appreciate the messages left!)

I had a fun little realization this year. I was writing out the date and said 2/8 aloud in my mind "two eight"....and it made me think of the words "to wait" which sound exactly the same! :-) That is exactly what Feb 8 is a reminder of for me. I had to smile at the correlation. There are lots of good things that we have 'to wait' for. Sometimes it's really hard to wait....but I can't think of a time when I've waited for something and it hasn't been worth the wait. Like waiting for James. Totally worth it. Waiting as long as possible before delivering my babies (as horrible as pregnancy is, preemie babies is harder.) And of course waiting for my entire family to be united again. Luke's surely playing and having fun in Heaven....we haven't lost him forever...someday we'll hold him again. Just for now do we have "to wait." And we enjoy the ride. We appreciate every moment we get to spend together with those around us- happy, laughing, singing, and playing. Just like Luke did. :-)

So go hug your babies, your honey, your loved ones today!! Hug them tight and tell them everything you want them to know. Tell them you love them. You'll be glad you did.

Love to you all!!**For those of you new to our fabulous blog, "Families are Forever" day started a few years back when we lost our oldest son, Luke, to a heart condition called Long QT. Luke was nine minutes older than Logan. :-) He passed away a few months before he turned 3. We try to focus on the good things on Feb 8 and celebrate that our family has been sealed for eternity. We know we'll be together again.

Families Are Forever

What a day! The 8th of February is always a little tough for our family, as that's the anniversary of the day our sweet Luke left to "live at Jesus' house" as the kids say. We try to focus on the positive, however, and remind ourselves that our family has been sealed for eternity and we will be together again.

Who are these adorable Supermen?! Luke and Logan of course!! Aren't they precious?! I can't tell you how much fun it was to watch these two interract. Memories I will cherish forever. I love reminders of things he did...like when he pulled every key off of the brand new laptop with Logan....or when he learned to say "LUKE" instead of "Doot"...or when he'd hear a "WeeOooh" (ambulance)....so many good times, with many more to come. We know he's near us, and for that we're grateful.

Here's a favorite pic after the boys ate carrots. Aaah- memories! Where would we be without them? Between that, the atonement of our Savior, and a knowledge of eternal families, we have much to be grateful for. If only I could remember that EVERY day! :-)

So, to put it in one word, today was peaceful. We went to church, had lunch together, took naps, ("everyone takes a nap on Sunday" is the rule I've started in our house), and then we took a cake to the local firemen in honor of Luke. He LOVES fire trucks! We always include a little description of Luke and also about Long QT. If you want to know more, visit www.sads.org and you can learn all about it! The more people know, the less people will have to suffer the loss we have.

Logan was THRILLED when the firemen invited us in and allowed us to not only see the fire station, but also allowed Logan to sit in the drivers seat of each and every vehicle he asked to see (ambulance, fire chief's truck, firetruck, rescue boat). He was also able to hold a water hose! He had a blast! Tyler on the other hand was scared out of his mind! He had on his favorite Batman stocking hat, and as we walked out the door into the garage, he pulled it down over his face and kept saying, "no like it! go home and play wii!" He eventually looked at the trucks, but wouldn't get anywhere near them. :-) Maybe next time. We came home and watched a movie, and began the bedtime routine. It was a full day, and I think we accomplished our task of spending it as a family and being grateful for those we've been blessed with. So, in honor of Families are Forever day, HUG YOUR BABIES & YOUR SWEETIES!!

Any memories you'd like to share about our darling Luke?! Please post away!!

Cherish Every Moment

Today is the day we celebrate that Families Are Forever. Two years ago today we realized that this is not just a cute phrase, but a truth that we will cling to for the rest of our lives. We KNOW our family will be together again. We know Luke is near our family often, but we're so grateful to know in heaven we will actually hold him. Knowing our family is sealed for eternity brings more peace than I can describe. Today I'm posting some moments I cherish with each of my men. :-) Go hug your kiddies, tell them how much you love them, and give your honey a kiss that reminds him how much he means to you as well. You'll be glad you did! :-) I always am.

Some of my favorite memories:

* This picture of James & Luke. Luke LOVED his Daddy. Whenever James was around, you knew Luke must be nearby- and he was most likely laughing.

* Luke & Logan pulling every key off our brand new laptop- not fun at the time, but is now one of my favorites!

*Dancing with my boys. James is SO much fun to dance with. Whether country swing or being dipped in the kitchen when I'm being particularly crabby- I can't help but crack a huge smile and thank my Father in Heaven for blessing me with such an amazing man. Spinning with the little ones while I'm cooking dinner is fabulous, too.

The boys LOVE dogs. I searched until I found a free one- Jake: our mutt with three good legs that has selective hearing and loves to bolt. As much as I'd love to send Jake to another family, I know I never could because all my boys love him SO much. It really is cute to watch them play.

*Monster faces by Luke. Angry faces by Logan (he is the most expressive kid!).
"Muscles" by Tyler. (Check out the video below).




Logan & Luke- When the kid in nursery stole Logan's book, so Luke came running and stole it back. The kid hit Luke, so Logan knocked him over. They always had each other's back. :-)

Listening to my boys learn to talk. Logan & Luke (or as they would say, "Duh Duh" and "Doot.") Tyler's words: Guck (Luke) and Gugey (Logey), and of course "Daddy" (which means 'caregiver'- he refuses to call me Mommy!)

*Logan sleeping in Tyler's room so he won't be lonely. Or when he leaves the room Ty's in, he'll ask me to keep an eye on Ty for him until he gets back. How cute is that?

*Logan LOVES to sing. For a while there I think I was hearing "Jingle Bells" somewhere around eighty times a day. Not just one verse, either, mind you- we got to hear the WHOLE song.

* Logan trying to convince me that Optimus Prime (a transformer) is a fabulous name for the new baby. And according to him, it works for both a boy or a girl. When I told him I'd have to think about it, he gave me another option: Jet Fire. I'm not sure if I'm convinced about either. :-)

*Tyler dancing. (Scroll down if you haven't seen the video).

*Tyler loves to take a bath. If he hears you start the water, he is on the way saying "Baff" over and over! :-)

*Tyler jumping. He either lifts one leg and one arm really high, or he stands on the bottom stair, puts his toes on the very edge, points them down, and lets them slip off. He LOVES it!

And of course James- the cannonball in the hot tub when we first went out, the thoughtful gifts he comes up with for every occasion, the way he laughs, the letters he writes, when he laughs at my jokes that I think are hilarous, the way he plays with the boys. (There are so many more moments that I'll just keep to myself when it comes to my main squeeze ha ha! :-)

Anyway- thanks for listening, and don't forget! Go hug your babies & kiss your honeys!!